Newstome’s Weblog

It’s been an interesting couple weeks. Family parties, traveling back and forth between the family home and my place (a two hour ride). Work has been crazy. Still, I have not met any awesome new friends, which is a little disappointing, but I am not giving up hope that they are out there.

I have fallen off the wagon a little bit. But I feel myself getting more connected to my goals. Which I need to state, I guess I could just write them down here.

1. Lose 30 pounds in sixty days. Breaking that up it is a half pound everyday. I think it is doable.

1.5. Eat healthy. No fast food, no fried food, no red meat.

2. Go on a date. Find someone that I’m into enough to date, but cool about enough to keep it casual.

3. Find some friends who are worth my time.

4. Drink once a week, not when I’m weak.

I think it’s time for Hillary to drop out of the race, there really is not a great chance that she will win the nomination. Better to get support behind Obama than risk losing out in November to McCain. I’m not a huge fan of this drawn out process, I think a national primary is the way to go. What do I know? Apparently not enough.

I also have another idea. It is Cher cover band called Share. It’s probably already been done, but I think it would be awesome. Imagine “If I Could Turn Back Time” in my low register. Even better “Believe.” You gotta admit, that while it might not be the idea that makes me millions, it could very well be something that entertains millions. And that’s just as good in my opinion, so if anyone knows of guys who’d like to join me just give me a shout.

And life isn’t all about rainbows because there no such as indigo. It’s nature’s Santa Claus. Don’t believe the hype.

I’ve come to the sad conclusion that because we are in an economic downturn folks are unhappy. Or maybe it is because gas prices are at an all time high we can’t find a reason to smile. No, it has to be that the housing market is in the can, that’s why we frown on cue. Maybe if Britney Spears could erase the last 5 years of her life, we’d all find it easier to skip to work and hop home.

Perhaps we’ve forgotten how lucky we all are. Think hard about someone who died before their time, leaving their family and friends broken and questioning it all. I’m sure “gone too soon” soul would find a way to see the silver lining on every dark cloud. Think of someone who’s worse off than you, whether it be monetarily, emotionally, physically, or even intellectually (if you can evaluate that independently). Maybe if you were in their shoes you could justify your attitude. Look at what you have. List the things in your love that your truly love, if  breathing, living, soul-filled things don’t fill that list, maybe that’s where your unhappiness stems from.

Of course this free write is filled with maybes, perhapses, and ifs. But that’s what a push is, its a thesis. Maybe we all need a happiness thesis that can drive us away from those folks and things that keeps us away from breezy stress less days and fun enjoyable nights.

An example from my own life that could work from time to time.

If I remember that the teams I support and the effort they put forth on the field or court are not a direct reflection on my abilities, then I will be able to let go of losses and celebrate the victories more appropriately.

In all honesty I just want to see more people nod their head as opposed to shake it. More people hum along than close their eyes. It’s so easy to look up and see gray clouds, but if you look out, there’s probably a light waiting for someone to see it shine.

Last night I brought a friend of mine to a party that a co-worker was hosting. It was essentially a college party, kegs, guys pissing everywhere, lots of noise, and a live band in the basement. I knew it might not have been her ideal scene, but she told me she wanted to go out, and I had promised to go to this particular party. We get there, find my friend and start talking. I am enjoying myself, but I am not sure she is. Kind of sulking off in the distance, isolating herself. This is where things get interesting, I go and talk to the girl my co-worker is seeing, not sure how seriously, but I know they are hanging out.

The girl tells my co-worker, in front of his quasi girlfriend, that he could do better. He’s pissed, the girl is understandably upset, and I’m left thinking “Holy shit, am I going to be in the middle of this.” My co-worker kicks the girl out of his party, I don’t leave to try to smooth things over, and its just a little, no a lot, awkward the rest of the night. I’m not upset with anyone, people can say whatever they want, I just am pissed that the night got tarnished. Looking forward to a good time, and that was wasted. I was wasted too, but it all works out in the end I guess.

Just, words. But man, it was obvious tonight. What you say and how you say it has a huge influence on how people think about you, and relate to you.

Who the hell cares about a Vanity Fair picture of Miley Cyrus. I honestly believe we have much more important things to worry about, and to talk about in this country. The economy, how are average working American families going to survive this cash crunch. Hint, they’re not. The war. As an unwanted occupation is overshadowed by teenage pregnancies and governor’s call girls it might be a reassuring measure for our soldiers to hear we’re working on getting them out what I am sure is an unimaginable hell. Yet, turn on the TV, and it’s Hannah Montana looking a little off in the face, wrapped in blanket.

Do you think Miley Cyrus picture is too racy? Head on over to cnn.com and let us know.

You know, everyone is talking about this picture, and you really have to have an opinion about it. Is Hannah Montana over the line?

Who the fuck cares. Darfur. Food Prices. A Presidential Election. Let’s put those on the back burner for some sweet talk about how one little girl, and one little picture deserve all of our attention. You know, there’s a reason why American school children are falling behind the rest of the world in academic accomplishment. The adults in this country set funny examples of what people care about, and need to know.

Sad to put people in the past tense. But Elliot Smith truly was an amazing artist. He sings like the sky looks just before a thunderstorm, beautifully brilliant while holding back so incredibly much. If you ever have a day when your wondering where to go. In life. At a stoplight. On your list of errands. Pop this into your Jeep Cherokee and allow yourself to reevaluate everything.

Maybe, like me, you’ll remember you have done amazing things before and you’re capable of doing them again.

Maybe, like me, you’ll remember that when one person defines another, two souls can be lost in our heartbeat.

Maybe, like me, you’ll remember that every problem you try to solve everyday will probably end up solving itself.

I believe that’s an awesome life lesson. Trust yourself to let it happen by itself.

I’m in a awkward place right now. Lamenting the end of a relationship I know had to come to a close. For three months I was battling with myself about whether this relationship had a future, but I finally realized that the things I wanted just weren’t happening. Still, today I am sad. Missing him, missing us. Realizing what I thought was just an enormous amount of potential fell flat because of problems neither one of us could find suitable solutions to before the end.

This was my first love, a man I’d shared more with than anyone ever before. Yet I knew in January it just wasn’t going to work, yet I tried to stay in it, finding a way everyday to justify being unhappy in love. The problems were numerous, but so were the things I loved about the relationship.  Maybe relationships need an obituary. A place where you can just write about all the things you’ll miss about the relationship, and convienently forget about all the things that led to the break up. Sadly, I doubt the local paper would let that in without a fight.

I’ll be sad for a while. And maybe that’s exactly what I need.

So I’ve decided ever since I ended my relationship I need to find some new friends. And fast. I don’t mind being alone in the least, but I don’t want to always be alone.

It’s amazing that when you’re in a relationship you can feel so totally and utterly wrapped in it that once it’s over, you feel like whole parts of your life need to catch up with you.  I have no friends where I live, the friends I left back in Colorado are slowly coming back into the focus that they need to be. So where have I turned to find these elusive new friends? The computer on which I am currently writing this journal.

At first I had a lot of trepidation about finding friends online, and maybe even more than friends, but that is a whole ‘nutha issue entirely. I felt like it was an easy cop out and wondered if I was really putting the effort I should into finding lasting friends. Then I remembered that I am busy, this is a college town, and I don’t really want friends who are in college. I’ve moved on to adulter people. So yeah, to find friends who aren’t getting a degree would be a stretch. Reason enough to start/keep using the net.

The I thought about the whole gay thing, and how hard it is to find gay guys I don’t want to kill the minute I meet them. So got to get working on that, and that can be task. Finding gay guys who love sports, went through puberty, and are down to earth. They’re out there though. The internet seemed like an ok place to weed out the weirdos. Another point for the world wide web.

Plus on the internet you can remain anoynmous and that’s something I’d like to do, until I really get a good feel for these guys. Obvious reasons.

John Mayer, you may remember him, the emotional singer songwriter that played on that soft rock station your mom used have as #1 on the pre sets in her Dodge Caravan. Yes that John released a song a while back called “Waiting on the World to Change.” The song is Mayer’s observation that his generation is waiting on the world to change . . . and it is the biggest piece of crap.

I’ll admit the melody is pretty catchy, and the chorus has a good flow. But the big issue I have is with Mayer’s assertion that we (I am in his generation) are standing on the sidelines waiting for the world to change. That’s absurd John. People who wait stay on the sidelines. I see more people than you’ve had albums sold hoping and believing that they will find a way to change the world, not merely wait for the world to change.

Get over yourself pretty boy and get a clue.

My brother came to see last night. He goes to school two and a half hours away from where I live, and he had a job shadow opportunity, so he crashed at my place last night. Alex is hilarious, we played Nintendo Wii for an hour, talked about sports and the family. Alex has been to three colleges in three years, he’s changed his major, gone through relationships, but he’s always managed to make it all work.

We are close, not in the sense that we tell each other everything,  but in a way where we count on, and really love each other.  I think when my mom died, Alex and I realized that we would never have one of those petty sibling relationships that a lot of people I know have. I think had she not passed away, we might have never realized how much we love each other, and how committed we both are to seeing the other happy. With the gay thing, Alex is not phased by it. I just think it does not matter to him at all, but he will tease me. Saying he is going to vote for John McCain. Alex really has no idea what kind of shape our country is in right now, maybe that’s why he is so happy.

I guess writing John McCain is making me think of who I plan to vote for in the general Election, which is seven months away. Obviously I plan to back which ever Democrat is on the ballot, but I think I am more supportive of Hillary Clinton than I am of Barack Obama. I like Barack, I’ve seen him speak, I think he has good ideas, and I think he could enact some of the change that he promises. However, and there is always a however, I think Hillary has more experience and connections in Washington and would be able to get more done in a shorter amount of time with a larger network of people supporting her.  By no means do I think her presidency would be a third term of her husband’s, rather I just think she has better ideas and a better way to fund them and see them to completion. Of course, if she does not win the nomination, which could very well happen I will support Barack.

I do think that among young people there is an, “You’re either with us, or against us,” mentality about his campaign. That he is the first and only candidate in history to reach out to the youth of America and say, “Hey, you’re a sizable and mobile group, why don’t I speak of catering to your needs.” And we bought it up. The Times had a great article about how during his time in the Senate, he did very little. I just don’t want that to happen if and when he is in the white house.

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