Newstome’s Weblog

I’ve never really understood where Upstate New York begins and ends. Is there some sort of border or welcome sign I should be looking for? If there is, I missed it on the way up here. I’m sitting in a hotel room in Utica while my family is at church. I wanted to rest, and that is exactly what I am doing. I’m on the hotel bed, just thinking about things.

Everyone is worried about my brother. They think he is depressed, not finding his way, just a little off kilter. I agree, he is probably all of that and more. However, I don’t feel it’s my responsibility to worry about him, or try and find the solution to his unhappiness. As a brother, I want to be there to listen to him, rather than tell him what he’s doing wrong, and how he’s destined for a life filled with failure. Sometimes the people I love most just can’t seem to find a way to communicate, to love one another without judgement. He’s doing something amazing this weekend, and while he’s stressed and more than a little on edge, the focus shouldn’t be forgotten.

He put together a charity baseball game. When my mom died of Breast Cancer, he was absent, wasn’t in the house when she passed, really was afraid of everything that was happening. I think because of that isolation and disconnection from her in her last few months he has an incredible desire to do this kind of stuff. The event is called “At Bat Against Breast Cancer.” It’s pretty impressive, he’s solicited donations from the Utica community (I’m not sure how big the community is here), our family and friends, and different corporations. He’s doing this both in memory and honor of our mom, but also to benefit a local family affected by breast cancer. My brother is amazing, when he sets his mind to something, however he has to, he gets it done.

Everything starts in about two hours. My hope is that he finds whatever it is he is looking for in putting this together. I feel for him this time in his life is not so much destination oriented as he is enjoying his journey. It’s been a long journey for a 21 year old. But with my brother, you wouldn’t expect anything uncomplicated.

I love and admire him, and whether he believes it or not, I see a lot of our mom in him. She is incredibly proud of him.